This used to be way easier - and a lot more fun!

[DonH]

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post. Summer, it looks like you've not posted here to anyone in a long time so I am flattered you took the time to try to help me.

It's been a rough weekend - I've not had such a down, depressing weekend in a long time. I do not want to go back to that dark place of years ago it feels like I may be slipping back there. I really hope not.

There are some valid points in the thoughts posted. Of course it's also hard to get an accurate picture just from a few posts i make. Clearly my life contributes to my situation and always has. It's just worse now as I'm involved in less than I used to be. It's easy to say not to try anything with women out of town or random events but like it or not, that is much of my life and I can't/don't want to change it. I've been self employed all my life and band gigs are part of that plus something I really enjoy. That means out of town trips and lots of random events. However, I clearly need to broaden that, so pint taken.

As for coming off too interested or needy, I don't think that's the case. Also, other than the woman from two weeks ago, which exactly was me thinking she was interested and asking her out prematurely as I didn't think I'd see her again for a long time - most don't go like that. It was only one example. In fact, since I'm not all that interested in the lady from last weekend who left and went home, I decided to just come out and ask why she left last week. Her answer? "You didn't seem at all interested." That's what she thought - or at least told me. So that's the exact opposite of trying too hard or scaring her away. It actually confirmed my thoughts in that I don't appear approachable or interested many times. Now there certainly may be times I do try too hard - not saying that may never be the case, I just think that what I'm saying here is being miscronstrude or assumed that's what I'm doing in person. I'm sure I see more spdesperate in these comments with all of you. But like DBing, I say it to you in an effort to not say it in person.

It is very accurate that I've been successful in most other ares of my life so am frustrated when this area doesn't work out. For about five years after D I could have cared less if I dated anyone or not. Then I started to think it was time and figured it would all return. Well, it has not! Then I see seemingly everyone else having success and I feel like a failure. I've seen even more recently - perhaps because I'm sensitive to it and looking.

One of the very first women I dated was nearly five years ago. We are still FB friends so what do I see but her having a 50th birthday party for what must have been the guy she dated right after me. (I don't follow that closely and she doesn't list much about her romantic interests) She writes how she almost gave up on him early on but glad she didn't. Five years! Then the gal who ghosted me this summer - yep once again just admited she has a new BF - first in many years. I thought she was not ready to date - wrong, just not ready to date me.

I'm frustrated, very frustrated. It's affecting my disposition now as well. I was a total crab ass last night. Everywhere I look was Valentines Day and love. Bah humbug!

I also don't understand why these women persue me then go away. Not all but many or at least some. Again, in years past I'd say it's the, and many tines it would be. But after all this time... I was just living my life and not trying much if at all, so friends say I need to try harder, put myself out there, try OLD, etc. so I did. Now I'm told, don't try so hard, just live your life. Well is that not where I was? So if I try that again will I get. "You can't expect someone to just appear, you have to put yourself out there." It seems like an endless circle. If I don't try I do t get anything, if I do try I still don't get anything.

And getting to know them and let it develop over time... How does that not end in a friend zone - which has happened many times as well. From 15-25 I struggled, was usually friend zoned. I also later realized I was being pursued but others and did not know it. From 25-35 I dated all the time, had some great R and felt as accomplished in my romantic life as I did in all other aspects. From about 35-45 I was with ex W (using round numbers here) then until,48 or 49 I didn't care. Since then I feel back at the 15-25 stage again. That's how I feel - like I'm just destined to be alone. And I still love being alone but not all the time. I feel like I'm wasting years of my life. It's not that I don't do things and live - I just would enjoy them so much more with someone else. I really am that person who has a great life that could be made even better with a partner. I'm panning a vacation in April. I'd live to be planning this with someone else rather than going by myself.

I first have to prevent from going deeper into this rut. This may be a challenging week. I so want my old life back as the title says, this used to be way easier and a lot more fun! Thanks for reading and trying to help.