A WW? (7)

[DonH]

Wow, once again Gump hits it out of the park. I totally agree with every word!

Sorry about my typo-laden response. Not sure how autocorrect helps? Hope you were able to read around all of it.

You are very correct that much of what W says about D is really her thoughts about you. I don't think she even understands she is doing it! When she says you are dong whatever and it bothers D it's really W that is bothered. Sadly the same happens to D. I remember your D saying she wishes you would not agitate mom - well that is 100% your W telling D that. There is no way a child would come up with that on her own. She hears her mother talk like that and repeats it.

Once again my largest concern is that your D has a very good chance of growing up to be just like her mom. She has seen this behavior modeled for her so she thinks this is normal and how a W should behave.

Again, Gump has very much nailed it in that W is too sick to be able to work through any of this. She really needs professional help and if there is any way you can help that to happen, it would be a gift to her and then down the road potentially to your M. I agree that she is not being rational so any rational ideas won't work.

Again, I don't think W will change unless forced to. Her payoff and security is staying mad and claiming it's all your fault. You must not bow to her crazy making. You have to stay calm and rational. Thing is, if allowed to, W will keep dong this as her anxiety won't allow her to get help. If she sees she will lose D 50% of the time as well as lose her security of job and income, she may be forced to fix this. It is no different and actually the same as a H that has his W complaining all the time. She tries to get him to look at the M, fix his issues and stand up and work on the M. He does nothing until the day the bomb is dropped. When that happens, he will move mountains to save his M. I see your W needing and doing the same. It may be your only shot. Sadly, you may get to the point, like a waw that you no longer want her. I hope you can get her light bulb to turn on before that

Like all Rs this is not all your W. It's the dynamic you and her have followed for years. That is now changing and your M may survive it or not. Time will tell. There are things you will have to change as well to fix your half but for any of that to happen W has to get out of the depression she is in. Gumps suggestion of seeing someone to communicate better might allow that to happen.