Just want to let you know I relate to all your posts. It's been almost 2 years for me as well. And like you, I still go through the ups and downs.
I really don't feel like you failed your family. You always wanted to fix your marriage and you were willing to forgive and move past a lot more then most. You had flaws like every single person does. It really comes down to the fact that your husband just can't deal with real life conflict that comes up in every single marriage. None of us are perfect. And we have to accept that not being perfect should never cause our spouse to walkaway.
I don't know what makes some people committed and some people capable of walking away. But that's really what it seems to be. Level of committment. Because marriage is hard and we all fail.
I actually tried a relationship and while it ended amicably, I was not in a good position to date. I was so insecure about my own failings in my marriage, I think I overlooked certain things that I never ordinarily would have. I wanted to please and be agreeable like during bomb drop and then just never really spoke out. The old me would have been a bit more confident. I also was under stress with son and divorce and realized I just did not have the bandwidth. And yeah, there is the question of what type of person would date someone not divorced. Although in my case I think it was someone that was just really inexperienced with relationships (decent but not necessarily good to lack that relationship insight either)
I have to say, I do look forward to dating and meeting new people but maybe not till I take care of other aspects of my life....divorce, and sons services.
I like shotguns advice...socialize and work on friendships first.
