Sage, I read what you wrote about "Addicted to Unhappiness." I'm not so sure that it IS far-fetched. A lot of it rings true. It ties in with crazy-making. It's very true that feeling happy is UNcomfortable for me and that feeling insecure/depressed/anxious/lonely/not good enough is more "natural."
And, I do kind of worry about feeling differently than my family. I feel like I would betraying them. Esp. my mother. I feel guilty for feeling good about myself around her. I know she envies me in many ways and at times I really do think that she does NOT want me to feel good about myself. (But she doesnt' come out and say that.)
Last night was nice. We biked with a few ppl and had din. I mentally prepared myself that h sometimes teases me more around other ppl and he made a couple comments that i just laughed at reminding myself that he IS kidding. We were both exhausted when we got home and he was on top of the covers b/c he was hot, so I didn't ask to snuggle and he didn't...but, I was OK with it!!! I gave him a kiss and went to sleep.
We dont' have plans per se for the weekend, but we are not going out separately. I would like to have a relaxing eve. tonight and maybe take him on a surprise date tomorrow.
I am feeling more appreciation for him realizing that he really wants to be with ME. ME, ME, ME!!! & it doesn't matter what I do, what I wear, what I say (obviously unless I am starting fights), or what I don't say, but he just wants to be with me. What is wrong with him???
I have not been feeling too good about myself lately. I just feel frumpy and like I am starting to eat too much and not good food. I want to lift weights sometimes...I am doing more things that I enjoy that I DO feel good about, but still...
