Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

So today... it's day before D4 turns 5. Busy day getting things ready, doing school run. W was busy with a friend getting party things ready.

Unfortunately I checked her phone again. While it appears there has been no contact so far, she has unblocked him on Skype, and his status suggests he will try to weasel back in. She also had voice recordings from him on her phone, I won't go into details but some were pretty disgusting.

This got me to thinking. Can I keep doing this? Carrying on back in the same position again. I don't think I can.

Anyway, W went upstairs for a lie down in the afternoon. I popped up to see her and asked how she was coping with withdrawals. Said it would be better for her if she deleted reminders - pics, etc. Then I told her form my perspective that I couldn't do it again. If she went back, then we would need to formally separate (in house), and then take it from there.

I felt pretty sick after this. It's something I know I will have to do, I can't go on in the same way and I can't give meaningless boundaries.

Later, when she was in the utility room, she told me she had been thinking about my ultimatum. She said she had spoken to one of her female friends, who had apparently said that couldn't she just be friends with this guy, nothing had happened, really. I said I disagreed with her friend. That if you are having conversations with someone of the opposite sex and you won't share them with your SO then a line has been crossed.

She then said she thought OM would stalk her. I said he couldn't if she got rid of the means of communication. She also said she though he might try to kill himself. I said I doubted it.

She then said that OM wasn't really the issue. I agreed that he was a symptom and that we had a lot of issues to work through that had been there a long time.

D4 then came through so we had to stop he discussion.

I need to really work on what to do next. Gotta keep calm, stop myself spinning.

I need to learn to be her best friend again. Figure out what emotional needs she she has that I am not meeting. I will start writing things down, work through our history. I think that from what I know, this EA and a PA she had when she was with her ex husband both revolved around friendship. I believe she has many FOO issues, and they have led to this,.

I also have my FOO issues and need to identify those and work through them with a professional as has been suggested. Back to work next week, should be able to find a counsellor in London close by.