Hi Karen - Looking back at your posts, we seem to have some unresolved doubts which may be contributing to the current wave of difficulties. Here are some extracts from April 9th:
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Got into it a little w/h last night. I think to myself, "this is not DB'ing," but continue to do it anyway. For some reason I feel the NEED to express all of my opinions/feelings/emotions

Yup, we all have this need, and though expressing ourselves on this BB goes some way, there really is no substitute to venting directly at the source. I promise myself that the day will come, but until the time is right, I'll 'practice' here
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He says he will give me what I want when he gets what he wants and vice versa. What he wants from me-more emotional stability in our r (as in less/no crazy-making), to get along, to have pleasant time together, for me to trust him and to feel secure in our r, to believe in him, and to not assume the worst in him.

This is good stuff. He has told you what he wants, and in return he will give you what you want. You have done a great job in identifying self saboteurs - but how are you going to kill these destructive emotions?
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I am afraid of wasting time (even tho I have wasted SO much in the past 4 1/3 years. **We really COULD have it so good!!!

Karen, the devil is both in details and alternatives. Why are you afraid you may be wasting time - what do you have to do with your time that is worth more to you than travelling on a rewarding journey with H?
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I don't trust MYSELF-my opinions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. I'm afraid that if I believe that my H is wonderful, I will be blind-sided and he will f me over somehow. I am afraid to venture away from what my parents taught me about men and about myself. ie being worthless, and irresponsible, and an a-hole...

This could poison you for the rest of your life, if left unresolved. I encourage you to cut yourself some slack, ease up on the expectations, and love yourself You must be able to trust yourself, even while acknowledging that you may make mistakes on the way, and allowing yourself to do so.

Mostly I found that in order to stop pursuing a particular cheeseless tunnel, I had to find other tunnels that HAD cheese. How about working on these identified issues within yourself, and leaving the ML bits alone for a couple of weeks? Just a thought. big hug, slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time