Can you explain the interactions between you and your W? Are they cold, silent, show bad attitudes, polite, etc.
What does she see when looking at you? Does she see anger, frustration, sulled, coldness, neediness, tension, or depression? What can you do that would help you show a calm, relaxed, cool kind of guy?
This is the time to become best friends with yourself. Give yourself an evaluation. Do you like this guy? What does he do for fun? Does he have any guy friends? What does his appearance say about him? Does he need to change his hair style, shave his beard, buy new clothes? Does his personality need some polish? Does he need to hit the gym? Does he need to stop bad habits? If you answer "yes" to any of these, then start the motion b/c these things are more important than you might currently see.
Do you have a life apart from W & kids? You need something just for you. Something you really enjoy. Getting a life will help restore a sense of well being, more self-confidence, energy, and even helps you become a more interesting man.
Take good care of youself, first. It is no disgrace to see a doctor if you cannot sleep, cannot focus at work, or very depressed. It is not a sign of weakness to take medication during the roughest period of your life. Also, if you are not currently seeing an IC, you may want to consider it. If you need to learn how to communicate better with your W, then research the web, find a class, or read a book on communication.
Have you read the link about setting boundaries? If not, look back on the first post from Cadet and look for the boundaries link. Effective boundaries are critical for the spouse who has a wayward wife. The WW feels disrespect toward her H, and at some point started showing those disrespectful feelings through overt actions. Usually it begins with something very small, and the H tries to overlook it and not make a big deal about it. The signs of her disrespect continued to grow. Snide remarks, heavy sighs, rolling her eyes, making unflattering facial expressions, bad attitude, talking to the H through the kids (tell your dad such & such), making you the butt of jokes, giving the kids permission after you have told them "no", act in such a way as to make you look like the bad guy, screaming at you, putting you down in front of others, getting into arguments in front of the kids or others, etc. Eventually, she will defy you in every way she so chooses.....b/c there have been no boundaries in the MR. She acts out in rebellious behavior. She will stay out drinking all night, flirt with men, act like a girl gone wild, talk against you to her family & friends, have secret meetups with men, have inappropriate conversations online, start an EA/PA, leave her M, etc. Every WW will not do every single thing in these examples I gave.....but some do. The common thread in all waywards is disrespect. Nothing changes as long as the disrespect is active.
What can you do about her disrespect toward you? First, set the tone of respect within your family and the home. Set boundaries to protect your feelings from her behavior. Even if she moves out, you still enforce your personal boundaries. For example, let's say she calls you and starts yelling or cursing at you. You would calmly say, "I will not be disrespected", and you hang up. If the family is eating dinner and she throws a fit about something, you get the kids and immediately leave her there alone. You take the kids and eat somewhere else. These actions show her that you will not just stand there and be disrespected by another adult. Anyway, read the link on how to set effective boundaries, and we can talk more about it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
