I would try not to engage w/him when he's angry and yes, he's using your son to get to you. You've already had this discussion w/him about being late for your appointments and I wouldn't go into w/him again. You really can't rely on him to be on time and he doesn't see or want to see that being late for appointments is not an option for you or anyone else. Don't sweat it! He'll get over it and I would just leave that stew pot on the stove tn simmer and walk away from it.
If he truly wanted to see his son and be with him, he would be on time and yes, he would make the effort to stop by your parents and see him...but no, he wants to play the victim. Just leave him be. Don't second guess yourself.
It's not you, but him. You are probably afraid of him because he's not acting like the man you married. I can relate to that because you don't know which field he's going to come out next swinging that bat of accusations. You are going to have to develop a thicker skin in order to deal w/him as you walk the path.
Nothing you say or do will sit right w/him, just make sure you are comfortable w/the decisions you make. As for the rest, let the chips falls where they may.
Talk to your IC about his recent behavior. Your therapist may have some suggestions on how to handle this sensitive issue revolving around your son and his father.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
