I heard your plea for help.... but I will warn you that you are probably not going to like what I have to say.
Let me begin by stating here before God and man that I am an HD female. Due to my present circumstances it has been a really long time since I was able to participate in said recreation. And I miss it something fierce.
But I have to tell you that it's part of an overall puzzle. It is not the be all to end all. Why are you making one particular thing a sore spot when everything in your picture needs to be fixed?
Stop it!
It's also unfair to generalize that all men can have sex without involving their emotions. While I know that can be true, it doesn't have to be truthful all the time.
Could it be possible that your H is letting you know that needs of his are not being met, and because he is not feeling close to you right now, cannot give himself freely to you as often as you'd like it?
I can tell you with absolute conviction that my normally very sexually healthy H had big trouble initiating sex with me when our R sucked. And when he did, it was quick and sort of denigrating... and guess what? I understand.
There ARE people out there, men and women, who feel that no sex is better than angry and resentful sex.
So let's recap here because I don't want you thinking that I'm telling you to get over it. I'm absolutely not. Sex is a very important part of a marriage, and I think it's great that you enjoy it as much as you say you do. I realize it's a deal breaker for you, Karen.
But from where I sit, you have only just begun healing some hurts that have plagued you for a lifetime. This boat is big and heavy and it is not going to turn around on a dime. You absolutely MUST put more energy into correcting the imbalances seen from your H's perspective.
For the sake of memory lapses, what are the things he has said he doesn't like about you or your interaction with him? List them here again and let's get to work on changing his perception of you and your R. THEN I think you might find a more willing partner in bed....
Just my two cents worth, and I hope it helps.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
