debi, i did f up last night. i'm so sick of this. h thinks i put way too much importance on sex, and not enough on the r itself. *he's just not a normal guy!! He does want sex, but needs to feel that the r is better. I have been left feeling empty lately b/c it seems like he's only making 3/4 effort and he doesn't give me WOA or say ILY. Joann (coach) told me a long time ago to quit initiating, i just haven't been able to bring myself to quit it. But now, I think I may have finally learned the lesson. If I feel worse after, it just ain't worth it.
We got into a short discussion about an issue about sexual stuff while in bed. It was fine-we both shared feelings and understood each other. We could have been done at that point, but I ask why he doesn't feel comfy bringing up these issues when he thinks about them. He snapped at me-I dont' even know what he said, but what I heard was "get off me...shut the f...up." So, I am hurt, then I say I feel like he is shutting me out. He said he was trying to keep it from going into a 2 hour long discussion. I said I wasn't going to, i just had a q thinking him not talking is a bigger issue.
I stay away from him for a while, go to bed, he comes to bed and doesn't snuggle, we get into it more, he goes to the liv. room, I get more emotional (feeling abandoned/rejected/like he doesn't care)...finally resolve and go to bed.
Ok, so sex IS really important to me. How do I put it on the back burner? How do I forget about wanting to sleep with my husband??? Obviously, my initiating is not a great idea. Granted, he does "rise to the occasion," but I still feel gilted. So I guess I do really care more about the emotional side of our R and connectedness. Having sex when I feel insecure, bored, or like I want to "connect" is not working.
I never thought that a man could feel used or pressured in this way. Most material is always talking about how the man really NEEDS sex to feel close and that the woman should initiate more/or provide him with it more and not reject him. Well, it AIN'T true in this case. And yes, I am always complimenting him, thanking him, saying ILY...
