Same Sitch. New Approach. Motivated. Feeling Good.

[Chris73]

Today was a good day.

Everyone was home because of the snow. Believe it or not, with nothing to do and nowhere to go in the morning, my W and I actually sat on the couch and talked for a good hour. Nothing about the R or the logistics of who will be home and who won't. Instead we talked about the state of the country and politics. And I was relieved that despite all the other things that have changed in my W over the past year, we still agree on politics!

Tuesdays and Thursdays are normally her days to work late. Over the past 2 months that we've been "separated," (I've now decided to put that term in quotes because she's the only one describing our situation that way) she usually finishes up work around 8pm but doesn't ever show up back at our house until close to midnight. She did that just 2 days ago. But tonight she came home right after work and spent some time trying to fix the pinched nerve in my neck (she's a massage therapist, btw). I was very happy that she agreed to do this since it requires her to touch me voluntarily. I realize the touching is somewhat clinical, but if she is truly turned off by me (as she's claimed in the recent past) she would have never volunteered to do this for me.

Next week we swapped our days because she's going out Monday night to paint night and does not have to work late on Tuesday (which just happens to be Valentines day). I've been encouraging her to start going back to the paint night because 1) none of her "girls gone wild" friends will go 2) there's no alcohol 3) it brings her joy and makes her feel closer to her mom (who died 3 years ago). All good things!

But the interesting thing is that even though I'm "supposed" to stay out late on Tuesday she told me that she'd be making dinner and invited me to come home early to join her and the kids. I will definitely NOT be making a big deal about Valentines day. Just cards from the kids.

These small accomplishments are keeping me motivated so I'll take them wherever I can get them. I just have to keep reminding myself that the immediate goal is for us to reconnect and create an environment of low-conflict in our house. Sometimes I want to speed things up and try to push the R into something more, but I know now (because I've tried this and failed too many times) that this won't work.

I read a quote the other day that said, "You can't talk your way out of a situation that you behaved yourself into."

Man does that describe ME to a T!