She said she didn’t want to wake up and be 40 and have not had kids or travelled. That she had nothing to look forward to. She asked me if I had goals in life, things I wanted.
brizz,
I keep coming back to this in your introduction and you haven't really addressed it. W's been married 8 years, is 33 years old and not getting younger, feels her biological clock is ticking...and she confides in her H that she doesn't want to wake up and be 40 with no kids...and you struggle with words to express how you are feeling...and she immediately shuts down the conversation.
I'm not a mind reader, but I'm guessing from the way you describe things that you didn't have kids and weren't trying and didn't have any discussions/plans on the table to do so...that was a really, really big deal to her...and she got the sense it wasn't a big deal for you. So she is seeing her peers having babies and maybe getting pressure from her mom to produce some grandchildren and is doing the math in her head (and has been for the past few years) about how much time she has left in the fertility department and thinking--OMG, my H doesn't even talk about having kids...what have I gotten myself into...and how do I get myself out?
Kids was one of the unspoken "big issues". This was the first time she brought it up in any serious way. I hadn't brought it up either, fearful she'd reject the idea for some reason. Plus the lacking SL due to her LD.. I don't know, I wanted that to get addressed first. Not to have sex just for the sake of having a baby. Part of why I struggled to open up at that moment was I'd been seeing her text messages with her friend where all she did was talk badly about me, mock me, lie about me. It didn't really put me in a mood to have a serious, emotional conversation with her. While I was still debating opening up, she walked away and calmed down and we went about the day. In hindsight, I certainly wish I had spoken up even if it meant I'd be ridiculed to her friend about whatever I said. I also keep reminding myself that she was already having a deep EA with the OM at that time, already stalking his friends and family on FB, researching Al-Anon meetings to attend to support him, full-on obsessed. So I don't even really know if her finally talking about having kids was really coming from a genuine place or her just starting to look for ways to pull away. I did make my stance on it clear later on and how important it was to me during the BD talk but of course at that time she didn't care about what I had to say.
