She moved out, filed, but I'm still working Pt. 5

[SBJ]

Cali, thanks for the input. I am trying my best at the fake it until you make it scenario. Exercising, spending time with friends, learning to play music again, eating better, shaved the bushy beard of 4 months...look 20 years younger, trying to be a better man all around. I'm doing all of this for me...not for anyone else. When all of the kids are with me, we have a great time. When it is just me and the oldest, we do the sports and trash talk thing.

I'm not going to tell the kids that I will be pining away for 25 years waiting on their mother. But, I'd like to think that they know how I feel about her and that I'd do anything in"my" power to save my M. The oldest two already know that this is in their mothers control...because she told them it was. I have told them that with God's help we will all make it thru this thing. I didn't say that we'd get back together, but they do know about "God's will" and that ultimately we are out of control anyway.

As far as showing them the man I want them to be or to marry...I want to think that that is my goal. I realize that I wasn't. I was Mr. Nice guy and look where that has led me. I guess I want to put God first at this point and have him guide me to be the man that I am suppose to be.