wife is going through withdrawal

[sandi2]

Good to see you posting again. I was concerned that you may have left.

W is still very depressed from the A and believes she can never be happy with me again. It is so hard to deal with the hot and cold moods.

Here's the thing, a WW operates out of emotions. The affair was based on how OM caused her to "feel". The secret affair was intoxicating and heightened her senses. It's like taking some type of feel good pills and then suddenly have it taken away. Her thought process, physical body, and emotions were all tied to a fantasy. Then it was taken away from her, and in place of what felt good to her senses......is numbness. She knows her H is watching her with high expectations. It is more pressure, b/c she feels like she is trying to force life into a dead woman.......and each that she feels no positive response, it scares her. Remember me telling you the worse fear a WW has about reconciliation is that she has lost her only chance at true happiness (OM), and her feelings for her H will never return.....leaving her in a dead M. These are her fears talking, but it is not truth speaking.

Is she still working for that same company? If so, then it is a constant reminder of the affair. I mean, you outted her where she works.....and yet, she can't leave before securring another job? I am glad I did not have to face my co-workers every day and be reminded of the A/OM. If she has not left that business, she must get out of there now!

Another thing you may not have considered, and I can almost hear the backlash from others when I say this..........she probably felt as if you had her ride a horse, stipped naked for everyone to see. I know......it's crazy, b/c she betrayed you. However, she may honestly feel something similar betrayal by you. It's kind of a double standard, but women use to believe their H would protect them from the world....regardless. Doesn't make sense, I'm sure.....however, if your W has this sense of being left vulnerable & naked, it could be a blocker for better feelings toward you. I am not suggesting you bring it up, and don't apologize for outting the affair.....b/c that is a can of worms you don't want to open while she's debating ever having love for you again. Just let it alone. I simply want you to understand that this can happen with some women, which means she has to get around it.

There is just so much emotional crud that a WW has to sort out and heal, before she can feel "normal" again. Based on what I read from LBH's, some men resent their WW "getting off so easy" and not having to suffer like he did. Maybe not......but if she is being real, then never doubt that she suffers and/or doing her share of the lifting. The WW and her LBS are not in the same emotional time zones. Her pain comes at a different time than his pain. She didn't even come to her senses when he finally "woke up", b/c she had gone into another time zone. Her work may appear different from his when they reconcile, b/c she is at a slower emotional pace than he was after the BD. He despartly wanted to save the MR when she wanted out, and he felt so much need and desire for her. Well, she doesn't have that need & desire for him right now. It will take time for her to get those feelings again. She has to use sheer will power just to hang with it, and hope to God she will get the emotional energy to do the work necessary for a MR she currently doesn't care about. I wish H's could digest this about his WW. Instead, most H's get impatient b/c of the lack of passion in his W. She has to swim an ocean, while he stands tall, steadfast, and strong..... ever shining that beam of light for her to get ashore. They both have a lot of work to do, just in different ways.