I don't want to hijack SBJ's thread, but thanks. This is exactly what I'm trying to prepare for as we approach telling the kids. How to be honest...without throwing my W under the bus. I don't want to screw this up. So what would you say?
Honestly ... .kids are smart. They know, and they will put their own personal stamp on what they feel is right/worng and what happened with mom and dad. MLCrs may/may not tell the truth on this which is when the LBS feels that urge to shout what really happened from the rooftops but this just creates more damage, confusion and turmoil right? If our MLC is in crisis and has reverted to that time in their lives then we truly are the only adults in all this .. .adulting is no fun and this is one of those times.
My approach .. my S knew, she did not make an effort to hide it. So I simply told him that sometimes people change, your mom and I have most definately changed over all the wonderful time we have had together and I truly wish her peace and happiness wherever she may find it. Thats it ... and it was the truth ... I did leave out my personal pain and frustration, I will not toss her under the bus nor label her as sick. The one thing I learned through all this is the kids know they are 50% of you and 50 them ... if that other 50% is bat$hit crazy horrible monster then in fact they are 50% of that ..... I constantly tell my son he is the product of 50% of all the good things from her and I. Hope that helps
Originally Posted By: SBJ
She has already told the two older kids that her feelings have changed and that this is something she wants. She made that clear to them when she moved out.
I also always tell my kids how I feel about them...they know that I am going to always be there for them. The W has always been a great mother to them and I am glad that she hasn't run out on them like so many on here have. She is constant contact with them and the two youngest split time 50/50 between our house and her place. The oldest moved back to our local university and is now my roommate full time...pretty awesome.
SBJ
CArefull with this line of thought..... it paints you our as someone waiting on the proch steps in the rain waiting for her to return. She will sense this if not by your actions ... then by the kids feedback "Dad is a mess without you" which will reinforce to her you are there where she left you. GAL, let those kids see you are doing ok ... they will see the bad times and "that look" you get when a memory hits as it is ... fake it till you make it.
I read a thought provoking post last week elsewhere in reference to a man going through this and how he was handling it all ... simple and to the point.
"Are you showing your children the man you would want them to marry or would wish them to be?"
