Yes, I am making a lot of ASSumptions. He's sarcastic a lot. He says it's his way of playing (and, no, there is no mean intent behind it). It's just that I take him seriously and/or get offended. I know that it **works** to KNOW that he is kidding and to play back. It's like I can dish it out, but I can't take it.
It just LOOKS like he is not interested. He doesn't have much to say unless it is some area that he feels more confident in. He doesn't care to hear about my dogs, and I'm not so sure about church stuff. I have told him that I would like to talk to him about God and what He means to me, but not in a trying to convert him way.
I think this ties into crazy making in that I ALWAYS find soemthing "wrong" with him or our r to bi. about. As he once put it, "it's always something. " And he's right. I just move from one topic to another, be it sex, money, lack of comm'n, lack of WOA, him spending more time w/his friends, etc. The list goes on and on and on and on and on...
Karen, I crazy make on a regular basis-at least once a week. So, for me to actually go a weekend w/o starting something is a big deal. Yes, I am SLOW!!! I have said a bajillion times that I know WHAT to do and what NOT to do, but I continue to do the opposite. (saboteur.)
We actually spend a lot of time together, so it's not that we don't have the time to talk. We don't have kids, and we are usually together 4-5 nights of the week. A couple of the challenges about having convos are that he does not want to talk about his job, and I really don't want to talk much about mine. (maybe 15 min). So, if all we do is go to work and come home, what do we talk about? He says he's not one for small talk (he is shy, not a real convo. maker), but, he does know HOW to talk.
Sometimes we watch movies, or read, sometimes we play games/cards...so, it doesn't require a lot of convo, and we have some good laffs.
He hangs out in the kit. when I cook and he helps a lot too. We really don't spend much time apart when we are both at home.
However, I just like more stimulus!! I hate sitting and watching tv. I've been climbing at the gym, and we've been hiking & biking together when it is nice out.
Yes, I do think that I am pushing something that isn't there just yet. I so want our r to be diff., but yet, I don't seem to do the work which requires patience and discipline to get there.
I am afraid to believe that things will change and that I might actually be happy. stupid i know, but...
And, I have SEEN the evidence that things DO get better when I DB. And he has even told me that things will get better from his side if I treat him better. He does have hope and says that he "has it for me," he's just gotten so emotionally closed off b/c of me slamming the door in his face so many times.
He really does have a great heart to give, but I'm so frickin' scared to give my own! I know it's not right of me and selfish...he deserves to be treated really well!
