Thank you Job. I wasn't sure if waiting to sell the house until ordered to do so wasn't a covertly hostile tactic or a passive aggressive move on my part. A large part of me wants to do that, but at the same time, I don't want to feel like an obstructionist. And in a way, I feel like I might be doing that. I think I need to change the way I see it. I just don't know how. Yet.
I am going to take your advice Job and I am going to limit the number of invites I extend to him. I have been getting the feeling that is the right thing to do, but, again, I don't want to be covertly hostile. And it kinda feels that way. (Maybe some of these feelings are rooted in the "it's always my fault" mentality.)
Yes, I am responding to all of the texts he sends. There was one where I didn't respond at all and he used that as an excuse to not call me when he said he would. That's what I am afraid of. That he'll use it against me if I don't respond. Somehow it becomes twisted and it is my fault and something I have done wrong.
Sometimes I think his texts about S are a way to check in on me, even though they are rarely about me. Maybe I am paranoid. Maybe that is what I am hoping?
Anyway . . . more spew this morning . . . God help me.
Just to give some background information . . . H attended a work Holiday part in December. He told me of his plans to go and bring S on the morning of the event. Initially, I balked, but then bought into his claim that it would mean a lot for him to go, blah, blah, blah. So I relented. I find out later that two hours after I agreed, he called OW and asked her if she wanted to meet S that night. Fortunately, she turned him down. When I found out I confronted him and, true to form, he denied it.
Fast forward to this morning when he asked me about my weekend plans with S. I told him about how I was planning to go out for coffee and a hike with S and a friend and then to my parents in the evening. He told me that he wanted to take S to a train show on Saturday and that I was welcome to come along. I told him that we will see. I also told him that I was uncomfortable with him taking S out by himself while we are still living under the same roof. I told him that I am concerned about him introducing S to any of his girlfriends. I said I didn't think it was appropriate and it would be confusing for S.
Not surprisingly he came unglued. He denied trying to do that in December, which I know is a lie. I told him that it is difficult to have a meaning conversation with him when he doesn't tell the truth. He said I can't keep his S from him and I reminded him that is not what I am doing. He is free to take S wherever, so long as I am there to ensure he is not introducing him to his girlfriends. Then of course he said he doesn't have any girlfriends. (Getting ticky tack over what to call these women.)
Anyway, the conversation ended, or so I thought. I went to the bathroom in our master bedroom. He followed me in there and when he could hear that I was, ahem, busy, he walked out. When S woke up about 15 minutes later, he followed me into S's room. He remarked to S something along the lines of dad's here, even if mom wishes he weren't. I told H that I felt that was an inappropriate remark to make in front of S. He continued. He said that he didn't really know if I was going to visit with my friend and my parents and therefore he would be coming along with me to ensure that is what I am doing. He went on and on about that. I reminded him that it was inappropriate to be talking about these things in front of S. He continued. I said it again. He finally stopped.
Wow! Just wow!
I don't understand why all of a sudden he want to be so involved in S's life. Now he wants to initiate taking him places and doing things. I don't understand this. Nor do I trust it. I feel like I am being baited or manipulated.
What do you all think? Did I handle this correctly?
This is sure to come up again tonight. I just don't have the energy. I am exhausted. Any suggestions on what I should say? I am at a loss. I'm not sure if I am handling this correctly.
