WAW had an affair - hurt and confused

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I think you might be missing my point.

You said these:

Not communicating on the bigger issues, not speaking her love language, needing to let the small things go.

were some things you were lacking. So I gave some suggestions of things you might investigate into working on.

Then your response was that:

The problem is I was already attentive, already was an engaged listener, already was affectionate, already helped out plenty around the house.

So, it seems to me that your wife isnt the only one doing this:

Another big issue is my W doesn't think she has any problems, thinks she is perfect and projects everything onto me.

At this time, Im much more interested to know how you are going to improve yourself than to hear more about why your W is to blame for this marriage failing.