Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

Okay, so you can't look like you are happy for what you have done? I'm opening a virtual champagne for you tonight! I defer to the vets if this makes things better or worse, but you did what you felt you had to do and I applaud you for that. Status quo is over, so what next? I'm praying for you. What did SS?

What next - that's where I'm unsure. Her moods go up & down, as does her anxiety. She is better in the mornings than the evenings. I'm still trying to keep myself busy, keep some space between us. There is very little physical contact at the moment, if any, other than brushing past each other.

She still spews, I had to stop her last night when she immediately went into verbal abuse mode for no apparent reason - I'm working on picking her up on this every time. It does't necessarily stop her, but it lets her know that I'm not accepting of it. as I have been so many times in the past.

I need to work on me. Getting time just to think about what I need to work on. I'll dig out my DB goals later once she has gone to bed. I've had to keep the book well hidden, fortunately, as she went trough my stuff in my work bag where I usually kept it, and also ripped up my other self help/infidelity books.

And when I say work on me, I mean my spiritual and mental self. My exercise & Krav Maga is going OK, and I have been more proactive getting things done around the house & garden. I need to work out what I have done wrong previously, work out what isn't working now, work out how to be happier in myself, so I don't need praise and validation and reassurance, which I have needed previously, even if it wasn't often forthcoming. My mindfulness has suffered these last couple of weeks, without my usual train journey to meditate.

I think there is a touch of MLC going on, although I don't think that was the primary reason for the EA. She had botox done yesterday and is booked in for some more beauty treatment today, so that's the best part of £1000 gone... She was even talking about a nose job today! She doesn't
t need a flaming nose job, she is beautiful! OK, she deserves access to money, so I'm not making an issue, but I get told I am selfish whenever I want to do something, or spend anything (like when I mentioned buying a new wardrobe a couple of weeks ago, or my GAL activities. I think she stresses about money (if I was to be out of work for any period of time) but then is unable to prevent herself spending it on what she feels she deserves. She feels the victim so someone else (me) has to be the bad guy.

SS didn't really say much, just nodded and said he understood. Gave her a hug when we are at the dinner table.

WW has told me before that SS takes my side in what is going on ( I don't want sides taken) but she is his mother so he will always be loyal to her. I think SS has spoken to her after I have spoken to him before, when things were pretty bad and it looked like separation was on the cards. To be fair, when it blew up big time in September, not long after initial BD and had allegedly stopped (and it was then going straight on again), he came & told me that I was his dad, I would always be his dad, and he would still see me whatever happened.

I know DonH said not to involve him, and that is right, but it has been unescapable, with all of us in the house and W not caring about when she rages, or if it is in front of the kids. And me. I've been no angel, when deep in anger, or caught in the argument. I flared up and said things to her when the kids are around. DonH is right, I need the counselling of a professional so that I can become more balanced and try and keep things more healthy at home, especially for the kids sake.

Hope you are well, Gordie, my man. Rooting for you.