Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

I sometimes cant believe what I'm reading! Your W is having an affair, lying to you, screaming at you, threatening to harm you both emotionally and perhaps physically and in return you bring her breakfast in bed? Am I really reading this correctly? I must ask you, are you seeing a therapist at all? If not, have you considered that? I think it might help you. What you are doing is not normal and is never going to get you to a healthy R.

Pretty much. I've always found it difficult to withdraw away during these last few months. And on Tuesday I used the excuse to myself that the EA is over (well at least for now) and she's going to be going through withdrawals. But you are right. It's not healthy, and there is a pattern of long term unhealthy interactions in our R. I haven't researched co-dependency yet, but I think I should as there may be elements of that going on. In answer to your question, I am not seeing a therapist. I was researching IC's in London where I work, but haven't made an appointment yet - I delayed, waiting to see where I would get my next contract. It's generally too late by the time I get home (7:15PM) to go to a local therapist or counsellor. Now my work is sorted again, I will set something up. I am looking for someone who is pro-R and also transactional analysis, as there are a lot of drama triangle interactions going on.

Then on top of it you are involving a 16 year old child in this? SHAME ON YOU! In fact shame on both of you! This child has no business getting involved in this crazy dysfunction. What is the matter with you involving him and portraying that what his mother is doing is even remotely normal. What is this showing him?

While you may be right in this assumption, he already knows that it is going on through past flare ups and arguments, plus the WW had sent a picture of him to EAP, and then told him that the EAP thought he had the look of a policeman about him. He knows it is not normal, and has asked what his mum is playing at. I have tried to explain limerance and the addictiveness of what she is going through while also explaining that it is symptomatic of our R problems that we need to solve. He is old enough to be honest with - you're right, I don't want to normalise this in anyway, but he deserves honesty when he asks a question. I get it though - he has already had to grow up early in so many ways, he needs space still to be a kid and not feel the burden of his parent's problems.

I'm sorry to come darn so hard on you but I want to get your attention. This is not okay - any of it. I hope you can talk to a professional to get some clarity here as its badly needed.

That's OK, it helps to have someone telling it as it is. I'm not here for sympathy, I'm here for help and advice in whatever form it's given. Yes, I will seek professional help, and will also get some coaching, now that I know there will be continuity of wages coming in. Thanks.