Maybe She Isn't Evil

[RDS]

Today, it was 9 months ago when I came home to see my W of 31 years had left me. It’s now only 3 months until we can divorce in my state. I don’t plan to file for D. I don’t know what she is planning to do. We talk a lot, but never about our R or money. I’m a coward to bring that stuff up so I don’t. The status quo between us isn’t the best but at least I know what I’ve got and in my pessimistic mind it can only get worse if I bring those issues up.

So much has changed in the 9 months since the BD date. Obviously, my W and I aren’t together, but I’ve sold most of my belongings I worked years to acquire, sold our dream house, moved into an apartment, changed jobs, and soon I will be relocating to FL because of my new job. When I think of all things I’ve lost and what I’m still losing I find myself thinking hateful thoughts toward my W, but I try to quickly quench those thoughts as they do nothing but burn my heart.

My new job is fantastic. The pay and benefits are second to none. Ironically, my leaving a job 18 months ago was probably the straw my W saw as the final reason to leave me, and now I have another job where she should would be proud of me it will probably be the final force for her to D me. I will have to relocate to another state and I am sure she won’t want to leave because she has too many friends here. It’s sad to think of that because in our happier times she would not have thought twice about leaving her friends to be with me. We were a team through thick and thin. Now, I’m barely more than an afterthought.

I’m not in the constant fog I was when she left me. I can think more clearly, but I still can’t shake the thoughts of her. I think about her all the time. Even when I’m buried to my butt in work my mind still creeps to thoughts of her. I really want to live a day where she isn’t in my thoughts.

Is that possible? I know it is, but damn, the journey is hard.