WAW had an affair - hurt and confused

[brizz]

25. “She sarcastically said, “I donated them, fine, OK. Is that what you want to hear?”” Salvation Army?

She's a couponer and does donate extra items occasionally but she didn't even mean for this to be believed when she said it. However, when she last came to the house on 1/10, she said it again but this time it was serious. She had bought into her own BS that it was a plausible excuse.

26. “I texted my mom to call her mom and tell her about the affair in an effort to get her out of the house.” Don’t suggest using relatives as intermediaries.?

Agreed, was a total last resort since she wouldn't leave and I knew her mom wouldn't listen to me.

29. “We texted back and forth a bit a week or so later. Randomly she dropped a “If I tell you to stop and you don’t, that’s emotional abuse”… It felt completely like her dropping a breadcrumb of evidence to show her lawyer.” Is she talking about sex? Be very careful about what you say here what you put in writing and conversations can be recorded.

No, not sexual at all. I think she meant criticism, which she's blown out of proportion. We'd exercise together sometimes and I'd tell her she needed to bend her knees more. She's constantly late so I'd try to keep her focused on managing her time better. Things like that. It wasn't anything malicious.

30. “Current sitch is I’ve gone NC since then and she hasn’t been by the house or called or texted, not even to see or ask about the dog.” Did you read DB or DR? Is that why you went NC?

No, I read about it here and it also just felt like the right thing to do.

31. “She’s filed a counterpetition for divorce assigning fault in the breakup of the marriage on me.” What was the stated reason of fault? Did you petition on grounds of adultery?

She and I both filed under insupportability assigning fault toward the other. Neither petition detailed the reasons -- it isn't required. My L wanted to file under adultery but I chose not to. I guess I didn't want to be vindictive.

32. “I’m in IC and have been to a support group. I’m on anti-depressants. I haven’t slept more than 5 hours in almost 2 months.” Good re IC and support group. Why are you on anti-depressants? Sleeplessness? Welcome to the club, but this too can be managed with time and the right tactics (I recommend drug free tactics.

Sleeplessness, low mood, difficulty concentrating, lack of interest in activities.

34. “I’ve reached out several times to her during all of this and I’m not even the guilty person. I’m just very confused and conflicted.” I think you need to stop focusing on who is the guilty person. Yes, she committed adultery, but you pointing that out to her and saying it is her fault or wanting her to admit fault and beg for forgiveness—that isn’t going to happen, so stop hoping for it. What are your goals and how can the people here help you?

I know. I haven't directly said those things much. Mostly focused on the relationship and just trying to understand how we are at this point. My ultimate goal would be to get back the woman I knew for 14 years. Realistically, just looking for support and wisdom.