So what "what-if" are you holding onto? Is it a what-if you had control over? or is it a what-if that would have come about something your wife only had control over?
No. Nothing at all that I have control over. Stuff from multiple years past.
What if I hadnt said this or done that? What if I had done this other thing instead? Nothing really specific. Just a lot of the bad decisions I made and wishing I would have made better choices.
The kicker is that I know it wouldnt make a lick of difference, even if I did change some of those choices. I was building a house with the wrong tools. Getting lucky and putting a dozen nails in place correctly isnt going to let the house stand permanently anyway. The house needed to fall down so that I could learn what I needed in order to build it correctly.
It's more that I remember those moments in time and the choices I made and re-feel that pain. The memories are still so vivid and the wound still feels so fresh sometimes.
I think Im ultimately just venting. I dont want my ex back. I dont want to change where my life is. I mostly just need to figure out how to train my brain to stay focused on the positives.
