WAW had an affair - hurt and confused

[ForGump]

It seems to me the most important question right now is, Do you want to divorce?

I would think long and hard about that. Don't think in terms of what message you want to send your wife. How angry and hurt you are. Think in terms of what YOU want. Look at who your wife has been all these years. Think about how you want to live the next 40 years of your life. Do you want to try to save the marriage with your wife?

If you do, I'd cancel the divorce petition, and hunker down for the long road of divorce busting. It's going to be months, if not years. A marathon, with very low likelihood you'll save your marriage. But most likely you will come out as a better person, even if a divorced person.