WAW had an affair - hurt and confused

[Gordie]

24. “She came home on New Years day and tried to walk in nonchalant like nothing was going on. I immediately told her to pack her things and leave.” Again, good for you.

25. “She sarcastically said, “I donated them, fine, OK. Is that what you want to hear?”” Salvation Army?

26. “I texted my mom to call her mom and tell her about the affair in an effort to get her out of the house.” Don’t suggest using relatives as intermediaries.

27. “She said she didn’t answer my text about the condoms because I wouldn’t have believed her explanation so there wasn’t any point.” Did she also donate your toothpaste?

28. “Her whole tone was angry just as it had been since she got back from her work trip. As if it was me who had an affair.” Yes, she has the affair and blames…YOU; that’s part of the script.

29. “We texted back and forth a bit a week or so later. Randomly she dropped a “If I tell you to stop and you don’t, that’s emotional abuse”… It felt completely like her dropping a breadcrumb of evidence to show her lawyer.” Is she talking about sex? Be very careful about what you say here what you put in writing and conversations can be recorded.

30. “Current sitch is I’ve gone NC since then and she hasn’t been by the house or called or texted, not even to see or ask about the dog.” Did you read DB or DR? Is that why you went NC?

31. “She’s filed a counterpetition for divorce assigning fault in the breakup of the marriage on me.” What was the stated reason of fault? Did you petition on grounds of adultery?

32. “I’m in IC and have been to a support group. I’m on anti-depressants. I haven’t slept more than 5 hours in almost 2 months.” Good re IC and support group. Why are you on anti-depressants? Sleeplessness? Welcome to the club, but this too can be managed with time and the right tactics (I recommend drug free tactics.

33. “I still love her. Trust and faithfulness are big deals for me and she’s violated them completely. I despise the current version of her but I miss the one I knew for 14 years tremendously. I can’t understand how she can shut her emotions off and cast me aside so easily. All over ~6 weeks of BS being fed to her.” Read some of the MLC threads and see if they resonate with you. If so, this has been brewing for some time and you are just finding out about it and you are in for a long, bewildering ride.

34. “I’ve reached out several times to her during all of this and I’m not even the guilty person. I’m just very confused and conflicted.” I think you need to stop focusing on who is the guilty person. Yes, she committed adultery, but you pointing that out to her and saying it is her fault or wanting her to admit fault and beg for forgiveness—that isn’t going to happen, so stop hoping for it. What are your goals and how can the people here help you?