Last night for the first time, at home, I found myself thinking, "I don't want to be here anymore."
It's partly fatigue, partly my own DB, partly my W's efforts to detach from me (her emotional disconnection from me), her MLC behaviors that I disrespect, and partly that I've looked at some places to move to and that gives me some forward-looking hope.
I still feel schizophrenic in that what I wish for myself is vastly different than what I wish for my kids. They don't yet know and I think I'd give my life to spare them the pain.
I've thought that many, many times. Yet, I still find myself caught in her whirlpool.
I'm right there with you. I'd do anything to spare them.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.