Same Sitch. New Approach. Motivated. Feeling Good.

[Chris73]

Thanks Gordie!

I can't say that I didn't acknowledge that there was a problem before the BD but I certainly didn't realize how bad it was. In fact, we were on an upturn about a month before the BD. I was really starting to listen and taking stock in what my W was complaining about.

But then I discovered her A and the bottom dropped out of everything. I'm convinced that she would have kept the affair quiet if I hadn't discovered it on my own. I really don't know where we'd be right now if I hadn't discovered it. Maybe better, but maybe not. For me I think it took something as drastic as an affair and the threat of divorce for me to REALLY make changes.

My W and I have discussed a few of these but not to the extent that this essay describes. Right now the two of us are in a very low-conflict state which is mostly due to the fact that I've put all the R problems aside and have just focused on trying to reconnect with her.

But one day soon I hope to sit down with her and share these details. I'm also trying to keep a running list of the specific instances when I exhibited these behaviors. At the moment I have 8 of them listed, but I'm sure I can come up with another 20 easily!