Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[Gordie]

So one of the things I have learned in this MLC community is that my W's inconsistent behavior/words are to be expected...I was thinking I was the one going crazy. So here's something that's been on my mind. My W feels like she needs to keep telling me why we are getting D (I don't initiate these discussions), but maybe she's just trying to convince herself There are at least four versions of the story, depending upon her mood:

1. You are the best husband and father and friend I could ever have. This is not about you or anything that you have done or not done. This is about me and needing to be free. It's not your fault. I love you.

2. We drifted apart. There were no major issues in our relationship. We had a lot of kids. We got busy. We didn't prioritize our relationship. It's no one's fault.

3. [Turn up the volume.] You didn't listen to me. You didn't understand me. You didn't support me. You talked down to me. You used me. You cared more about the kids than you cared about me. It's all your fault.

4. The POM makes me feel alive. If I hadn't met him, then I wouldn't be asking for a D. I may be making the stupidest mistake of my life, but I can't live with myself asking "What if? What if?" You don't meet all of my needs. He won't meet all of my needs. I need both of you in my life. We'll all be friends.

At the beginning, I'd get all emotional and try to beg/argue/defend myself. Now, I just listen and do my best to bite my tongue--really, really hard to do. Is that the right approach?