Never good enough

[010207]

That's the thing, Gump. I'm not doing anything in the hopes of changing him. I think I'm passed that.

I'm a nurturer by nature. I bend over backwards for people, especially H. I'm having a hard time breaking that habit. I have no issues with cooking and cleaning, it's what needs to be done. But asking me to help cut his hair, help with his tanning crap while he stands butt naked in front of me or buying him new clothes so he can look nice for his girlfriend is really beyond what I think I can handle anymore. I feel like telling him, you have someone else..... go to her. However, I don't feel like instigating and I worry putting my foot down will look more like an act of retribution since it's not my character.

As for the things he's doing...
Even prior to BD, he rarely ate my dinners even if it was something he asked for. Always too many carbs or fat or not enough protein. He'd make his own meal and eat somewhere else. Now he eats everything I make and sits with us faithfully every day.

He's starting to pick up after himself again and hasn't done that in months.

Last night he offered to take the garbage to the curb, also hasn't done that in months.

Prior to BD, he was asleep by 9:30. After BD he was up all hours of the night. The last couple of weeks he seems to wait for me. He doesn't talk to me, there is no touching of any kind, but he's up until I go to bed at which point the TV and lights immediately go off.

After BD, he started working even more than before. 14+ hour days plus extra on Saturdays's. This past week he comes home at normal time and was a bit offended when I asked him why he was here. Guess that didn't come out right when I asked.

I know these things mean nothing but they are a change in his recent behavior.

I'm ready to get my life back. Figure out who I am and want to be and become her.