Help!

[HaWho]

On the heels of what Job has said, just try mentally to step back and look at the situation from a distance. Because I too tried to fix all of h's complaints.

That all stopped when I became very familiar with MLC. I suggest you read extensively about the stages of MLC, both here, in Jim Conway's book and do various internet searches. Once you do that you will be able to determine if this is a case of you not paying him enough attention or, if it's MLC, it'll be much deeper and bigger that that. You may even determine you'd been trying to fix things all along during those early days of denial and anger. And the more you did the angrier he seemed. You may recall feeling like everything you tried made things worse. And that, now, he was irritable all the time over things that used to never even make his radar.

My h hit every symptom/hallmark of MLC so it was easy for me to see there was a huge underlying tsunami. Was the m perfect? Absolutely not. Was I perfect? Nope. But if this weren't MLC/massive depression we would have worked it out by talking a bit and organizing a date schedule.

Once I realized this was MLC, I knew that no amount of hugs, kisses and "atta boys" would fix this. He had to do the heavy lifting. There were things I could do to make it worse. So I worked hard to avoid those: relationship talks, asking where he was going, putting pressure on him to be an adult, etc.

Try to read a lot. And research projection too. Sending you positive thoughts.