Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[roist]

G,

Thanks for dropping by my thread. To answer a comment that you made about not seeing this as a gift, I understand your point. It is a terrible situation and it took me a LONG time to get to that point.

That being said look at some of what you have done which otherwise you may not have for example improved role as a father.

I am not a religious man, but I think you are being too focused on your prayers being unanswered. My understanding of it is God has basically three responses each of which is for your own best interest.
1 Yes. Prayer is answered and you get what you asked for.
2 No. You don't get it as God viewed it not in your best interest. Garth Brooks sings a good song about unanswered prayers being the best gifts from God
3 NOT YET. You need to let go of your need for a quick turnaround.IIt will happen if it is supposed to happen when the time is right. Have faith in that.

I am glad you are looking into the mindset of a WAS/MLCer. That will help you be understanding and react with empathy instead of a place of hurt.

Many have told you to stop focusing on timeline and deadlines etc. I understand you are hurtling towards D and you feel helpless. 10% of people who divorce remarry again later. That figure seems high to me but it is quoted around the net. So D does not mean the end.

Earlier on in my situation there were many times I was convinced this was it. I was sure that the end was imminent. Each time I realise I gave power to those feelings by feeding them. They crippled me. A year ago I had my last R talk with W, it was verbalised that she had checked out. I was unsure how to behave with her but I decided to carry on doing what I was doing. So I rolled over, kissed her goodnight and basically did not let my feelings dictate my actions. It is more complicated than that but a powerful lesson is to work towards not acting on feelings. Don't ignore feelings but don't let them decide you actions.

I again urge you to embrace the life you can have without W. Get excited about it. This will be good for you but also will do no harm for W to see you moving forward.

You do not stink at DB. It is hard and no one is perfect at it. I truly see hope in your situation. I cannot tell you the timeframe though. Best to not focus on that and concentrate on YOU.

Best wishes