Never good enough

[ForGump]

An affair is a drug hit. Your H might feel high now, but he'll eventually feel empty.

What inconsequential little things is he doing?

People in the forum encourage you to think about your boundaries, and set them firmly. It has a little different connotation than drawing a line in the sand. It's not about giving an ultimatum or doing something to affect or control your spouse's behavior. It's about defining what your principles are, and setting boundaries to protect your own dignity, feelings, and well-being.

For example, if you want to stop cooking and cleaning for him because you hope you'll send a message or alter his behavior, that's not what setting a boundary is. But if you believe cooking and cleaning for him at this point, given what he's done, somehow crosses a line for you, it violates your dignity, respect and well-being, then you stop doing it.

Also, boundaries are enforced not through commands, ultimatums or threats. You just do what you have to do to keep your boundaries.

That's my understanding. Probably best to think long and hard about it before you act upon it.