Moored

[HaWho]

Thanks Job for some exact advice on countering PA behaviors. It's reassuring to hear you say these behaviors can be retrained if I am consistent in my changes. Right now his habits seem so set that it feels like I am trying to train a dog to act like a cat.

Ginger - thank you, too. Both you and Wonka have said not to accept the disrespectful language and I know you guys are right. But, another key thing I need to do is discontinue having text-sations. I keep getting lured in to these. H knows if he texts me while home I go address him. So, he now waits until he is out for a few hours.

It started again today. H texted me late afternoon saying s11 should go to x middle school. Umm, even if we are someday divorced we need to get to a point where this is not discussed via text. So I read it but did not answer. Then I addressed him at home and we had a mature conversation.

Fighton - yes! Changing the dynamic takes tremendous consistency. No room for backsliding.

Marye- the fear of aging in MLC is brutal. But, I went through my own depression and I did the whole sleep on the edge of the bed/cringe when we bumped thing. I remember finding my h very unattractive. It's part of the depression and had nothing to do with him. At one point h asked me why I never made eye contact with him! I remember thinking that he was such a controlling person. But I wasn't making eye contact anymore...

As for me, tonight at dinner I realized that h is back to doing that thing where he talks only to the kids and categorically so. He'll say "so boys, listen to this" or "boys, did you know..." At one point I chimed into the conversation and h did not acknowledge my comment at all. I decided I will no longer stay at the table after I have eaten. If I were at any other social setting and being treated that way, I would politely remove myself from the situation. I have plenty of other things to do than to sit there and be openly ignored.

I am not mad. It's just a waste of my time to put up with that.

Thanks everyone for all your help. I truly appreciate your input. I will work on all this.