[BrightFuture]

Thanks roist, Sotto and Mighty for stopping by. And thank you for your support.

Mighty, what a pleasant surprise to see your post! I’ve been always following your story and you always amaze me. You are a strong woman and a great mother for your S and D. I’m so happy that you are in a better place now. I wish I could do what you did and just cut everything dry. Some people tell me that it would be the best thing for me. Maybe so… I guess I will know when it happens…

Roist, thank you for y our advice. I will try to handle the conversations with mutual friends a little better. The thing is that I’ve been on this MLC journey for 4 ½ years now. I’ve done a great deal of GAL and also meet a lot of people. I’m actually kind of tired of GAL and want to spend some time by myself now. I’m not the person who easily makes friends with everybody and anybody, I’m kind of selective who I consider my true friends. These people happen to be H’s friends too… Sigh… But, I hear you, that I need to concentrate on my own happiness and the thing are actually not that bad when I think about it…

Sotto, thank you your kind words, as always… You are one of a few who still stop by and check my posts, even though I’m not very good at answering right away. Yes, I agree with you 100% that I need to do more of self care now. I think I reached a certain point in my life where I felt comfortable being completely on my own and taking care of things just fine… but… started to feel that something was missing in my life… a person who I could share my life with… I hope it makes sense.

As H being central in my posts… I guess this is what I come here for… My life is pretty stable and settled. I have one unresolved issue right now, which is H… Like I said, I feel that I’m at the crossroads, but don’t know which way to go. I can certainly continue to stand and do what I’ve been doing… Or, I can file for D and start the process… I just think I lost the sense of what’s going on in my sitch. I certainly don’t feel like I want to be the one to initiate D. But, I don’t know how to push H to do that either. I’ve been quite strait forward lately. Nice, but to the point. I can just tell him that he has to start the process. But… I don’t know if I’m not seeing something… if I’m missing some signs… etc… of him coming around… I don’t dwell on his every action or word anymore. I have almost no emotion about his actions, etc… And considering this, some of his actions seem strange to me… for a person who wanted to finish the “phase of his life with me” to move on to the next one…

So, here is some update. Not much, but I guess it will be for my own record, LOL. It was H’s b-day a couple of weeks ago. I sent him a card ahead of time to his PO box, but I don’t think he checked it. I was contemplating whether to call him or send him a text on his b-day. He used to call me every year after the BD, except for the last year. I was in Vegas with my GF last year, I think he knew that, so that might be why he didn’t call. So, I decided to call him… He sounded like he was happy to talk to me. I asked him casually about his plans for the day, and he told me that he didn’t have any and he was cleaning the stuff in the garage. I don’t know if he really didn’t have any plans or he just didn’t want to tell me. I have a feeling that he is trying to present himself as a “decent” man recently, hahaha… not a party animal…

I kept the conversation short, wished him a great day and said good bye. I felt like if I would keep talking and asking questions he would totally talk more. But, I was at work, plus not really prepared for a long conversation.

He texted me yesterday with some business related stuff, which was not really urgent. Tonight, I called my mutual friends’ house at the vacation home to ask them what they need me to bring when I go there next week. Coincidence again… they told me H was there for dinner with another couple who I know.

So, it’ like H is everywhere… More I think that I need to cut the cord and do something, more he is “in my face”, so to speak… Again… this could be just my speculation… as I cannot “see” my sitch anymore… This is where I hope to get some feedback or prospective… Either way… either people will tell me that all this is just my wishful thinking… or there is something to it that I could build on…

Long post again… sorry…