Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

Ok, so yesterday was pretty much as expected. Lots of spew, rage, anger and resentment aimed at me.

She had found my notes from my call with L when she dumped all of the things out of my work bag, and demanded an explanation. I explained that it was for my peace of mind, and what I had been told. I said she should get her own advice. She assumed I was plotting and just trying to make sure I could get as much financially as possible...

Plenty of rages, plenty of threats about ruining things with any future partner I may have, and trying to send manipulative texts to make it look like we weren't together... I made sure my answers didn't give any room for her careful editing, to send to OM.

This morning, she was a bit better. Said she had blocked 'her friend' on skype. She didn't resist physical touch, and I made her a coffee, brought it to her in bed.

Her mood deteriorated during the day, some spewing and insults, to pretty much ignoring me by bed time. I stayed in rather than training and bathed D4, got her to bed, read her a story.

W is hurting at the moment. I don't know how to help her through this. I don't know how strong she will be, or if she will try anything to get back the OM/EA. I gave SS16 a brief run down of what had happened when he asked why she was lying down upstairs with the door closed. Told him it wasn't going to be easy, wasn't sure if I could help her, and that she would be feeling like she had lost a limb.

It's weird - all of the pain and anguish I've gone through these last 6 or 7 months, and all I want to do is take her pain away from her. And at the same time I feel resentment that I am now the bad guy again.

She is desperately trying to exert control in our interactions - although this has been the norm for us anyway. I think she is feeling a double loss - control was taken away from her, and the loss of the OM while still in full limerance. She didn't get to do it on her own terms. But who knows how long that would have taken?

I'm resigned to weathering this storm, battening down the hatches, and any other nautical metaphors that are appropriate. I have to be careful in my demeanour now - if I seem too cheery to her (i.e. what I was trying to do before), this seems to make her irate, as if I am happy about what I have done, and am rubbing salt in the wounds. So, give her space. Be supportive where possible. But mainly, give her space.