I have read Jellyb amazing posts to you and your responses.
My concern is you, not D9 or H, but you.
In this dynamic you are the most important 'factor of production' and without extreme self care the system breaks. It does so because you do.
I understand that you are concerned for both D and H, but in reality your welfare must come first. This is likely to deteriorate as H health declines. He is not yet dependent or unable to take care of himself. He is the dad he is and that is separate from his role as H. It truly is separate. Absolutely his sandbox.
Children come first that is as it is, in order to do that to a large extent you have to take extreme care of you.
Frankly I would like to see your goals and plans for you.
Remember holding in this position is good enough, often just treading water is enough. Your health iservices declining, you are exhausted and weary, you are anxious (using your own words). I get it, truly I get it, if you read my threads you can see I am narrowly avoiding fin disaster and I work 80 plus hours a week in peak times. Different sitch although the dynamic is similar.
So
How do you eat?
What is your sleep like?
Do you exercise even a little?
Have you had a full PHYSICAL? Do you know your numbers?
Do you GAL?
Have treats such as massages, naILs, hairdressers......
Do you need supplements or hormone support?
Do you dress to the shoes?
Have you a confidant, that loves and supports you?
An IC?
Some me time?
Truly value self care, you are worth it and a role model for D.
I recollect the amazing RD always advising me on self care, to put my money where my mouth is and now I do. Recovery from depletion is slow and steady and easily set back. There are challenges to come like an athlete you can build your resilience to meet it.
You are stronger than you know.
V
Previously known as ss06 Kid: D9 M: 12 yrs together 18 D final: pending
"These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb." - Najwa Zebian
