From a man who's wife came back...

[Gordie]

In fact, the goal is to be able to trust with less information.

Yes, that is the goal. But how can one trust someone who deceived them on so many levels?

Since I don't trust my wife I can't answer this question. I also struggle with the knowledge that she was willing to commit an act of cruelty to me and our marriage that is beyond imagination. I would never in a million years have thought that. We'll never have what we had. I've told her that. She killed that relationship. It was beautiful and innocent. I still believed in soul mates and that she and I were meant to be.

Now I know there is no such thing as soul mates and nothing is meant to be. People get together and can love each other but at any moment one of them can plunge a knife right into the other's heart, twist it, and watch them suffer without any sympathy for them. That is what cheaters do to the spouse they cheat on. I live with and love someone capable of that level of cruelty. She has spent many many hours crying of her own realization of that. If she hadn't finally broken down and had her "come to Jesus" moment we wouldn't be married.

I do love her. She loves me. Innocent soul mate love? Nope. Our innocence is dead and gone forever. She killed it. Now we have more grown up mature realist love knowing that although we love each other, nothing is guaranteed. Either spouse might just up and walk away at any moment. That's the reality for all of us. For some that scares them to death. It used to scare me. It doesn't anymore.

Txhubby--you are a wise sage!