Just writing down my thoughts. I have noticed that when I'm really exhausted I seemed to be very on edge and want to cry like today. Nothing happened with ex nor at work but I'm thinking back of what has gone wrong in my relationship. I know that for the last 23 months my life has improved so much and I'm better off without ex, but I still have that feeling of what if? I guess once I'm off I'll be fine.
I keep wondering if life is really unfair and if ex will walk away from what he has done without consequences. If it was to happen I'll be definitely annoyed (the least to say) as I have gone through so much pain that him walking free of anything would be unbearable.
Kids don't tell me what they do with their dad. I don't want to ask and got advice by IC not to ask them anything, but I'm wondering if there was something wrong would they tell me? Both are chatty box and if i want the know something I have to ask them. Is it normal?
At times I feel like I have failed my family, my marriage, my kids and my ex. Colleagues and friends keep asking me when I'm going to go out there and meet someone. I go out and have GAL even if it's only reading a book at home in the evening, but I doh understand the urge to ask me to be with someone. I'm not ready the slightest and I'm still married. Sorry if I'm old tradition but I have my values.
Is anyone having doubts even after a two years separation? I keep wondering if I did the right thing two years ago. Ex appears to be happy, so how could he be after what he did? I guess God has his mysterious ways.
