This used to be way easier - and a lot more fun!

[DonH]

As much as I'm trying to, I fear I'm not understanding much of what you are trying to tell me MayBell. I like to think, and many agree, I'm a pretty intelligent guy but when comes to R I can be dumb as a box of rocks. I'm going to try to answer and clarify and hopefully you can give it one more shot. I'm fine with blunt - I often don't get subtle. I'm just not getting a lot of this.

So are you trying to say, I'm not getting anywhere because I don't check THEIR boxes? Is that your point? And if so, do I check anyone's boxes? That's what I mean about this being my fault. Is that why I've had interactions, dates or asked out a dozen women and gotten pretty much nowhere with any of them - because I don't check their boxes? And if so, who's box will I ever check? I used to have this happen online as well. A women would state 10 things she is looking for. I'd honestly firmly fit 8 of them. I'd write and only get back a "I don't think we are a match." I'd be like, huh? You asked for business professional, who plays a sax, has a sarcastic sense of humor, flies a plane, owns his own home and is financially set. (just an over-the-top example) yet we are not a match? I DO NOT GET IT.

Back to reality... You also stated "There is something about the way you write about the women you're interested in that makes it sound like a constant audition for your attention, rather than a search for a partner." Can you explain this? Are you saying it seems like I'm auditioning women who catch my attention? Or who are attentive to me? I'm totally lost on this one.

"I also rarely hear about you showing interest in local women, so I wonder about that."

I have as well, although I do travel a lot, which is where I have met many of them. Others I've met through friends. Some used to live here and moved away. However, that said, the last two I asked out, including the women just last week, were very local. The woman from church is local and her parents, who she is close with, have retired 3 miles from my house. The one from last week is about 20 minutes away. So they are not all long distance but for whatever flipping reason, many have been. This is NOT a conscious thing on my part. Could it be subconscious? Most certainly. I'm just not overlooking local on purpose.

I'm just at a loss as to how or what to change in what I'm doing. I thought I was being too picky and eliminating too many right out of the gate - ie, lives too far away so don't bother. Instead, I've thought, give it a chance and see. Same with other attributes.

I'm more confused than ever. I know what I want. I just can't find it so I've thought about giving up some of what I want to not be so narrow about it. I've long thought it's something I'm doing or about me. Many here have said that's not the case. I just can't agree anymore. There has to be a reason all around me people move on, their wife dies and they have a new GF two or three years later. Yet I'm D 10 years and so single that if I showed up someplace with a GF I think people would fall over in shock - it's been THAT LONG!

Perhaps I need a dating coach or a life coach. Or just need to accept this is my life and it's not going to change. It's been this way for 10 years now and is going to continue.