Same Sitch. New Approach. Motivated. Feeling Good.

[Chris73]

Had a great weekend.

Stayed in the city after work to get my Superman tattoo. It looks so freaking cool. I wish I could post a picture here. I took pictures of my kids with me for inspiration (in case the pain was getting to me), but I weathered just fine. I hope I will always look at it and smile the way I do now.

Saturday I traveled back to the city for my first Meetup with the live music group and had a fantastic time. The venue was great and all the people were super friendly. It felt like I had known them for years! There were about 16 people who signed up to perform, I was 12th and played 2 songs.

Sunday was a bit chaotic. The original plan was for me, my W, and the kids to hang out and then watch the Superbowl. Unfortunately by about 3pm we discovered that both my kids had head lice and spent the rest of the day shampooing and washing everything. Eventually we did finally sit down to watch the game.

The interactions between my W and me have been very cordial. I put no pressure or expectations on her. I've slowly stopped spying on her (although I haven't stopped caring about her whereabouts, I guess that will come eventually). I greet her with enthusiasm and make an effort to initiate a frivolous/fun conversation at least one/day. Basically, a topic that has nothing to do with our R or anything logistical. Usually a joke or a funny/interesting story from my work day or that I read somewhere.

I'm also initiating a unilateral touch for just a second or two. Usually on the shoulder or arm. I'd like to try putting my hand on hers, but we haven't really been in a position where that would be a natural move.

Overall she's been responding positively to all of this. She laughs at my jokes and stories. She doesn't pull away or jump when I try to touch her. On Sunday, I was out in the garage and asked her to bring me my water bottle. When she came to the doorway and handed it to me she looked as if she wanted to kiss me. I didn't react though.

Later in the evening while the game was on, I was helping with all the laundry that we had rewashed because of the lice. She saw me doing something and said, "I've got it babe, go watch the game." It took me by surprise so much that I almost said something like "Did you just call me babe?" But I didn't. I just acted normal.

Yesterday morning, while I was looking at my son's homework, she came over and stood next to me to look over my shoulder at it. The sides of our bodies made contact for a moment.

I highly doubt that she's responding consciously to my changes. I think it's simply a matter of her letting her guard down a little bit because I've been pushing my no-conflict attitude. Regardless, it's nice to see these little changes. I certainly don't pin my reconciliation hopes on them, but they're encouraging for the short term, so I will just keep on keeping on!

On Sunday I proposed to her that I would signing up to run an 8K down the shore at the end of April and asked if she would be interested in us all going as a family so the kids could enjoy the boardwalk after the race was over. We would need to go down the night before and get a hotel since the race starts early in the morning. She said, "Sure, that's sounds fun!"

I plan to approach her tomorrow and ask if she has any interest in us doing something together one night soon without the kids. I will stress that it won't be anything romantic, just something light and fun. We'll see how that goes.

In the meantime my schedule is filling up with various musical events. So in addition to work, kids, training for an 8K, projects at home, and church. I have songs to practice and new people to get in touch with.

Seems like my focus is finally shifting from my sitch to just me, and it feels pretty good so far!

Anyway, that brings me up to date. Hope everyone is hanging in. I'll update this thread again if/when things progress.