Try Not to Think Too Far Ahead

[Gordie]

No, none at all. I did give her massages those few times but then she got really cold. I probably shouldn't have, she may have thought of it as a temp check, who knows. Before MLC I used to rub her almost daily because she was always in pain.

Certainly no hugs or kissing. IDK if I could even kiss her right now, it would be something I would have to work on IF things ever get back to that point. She wrecked me, the last time I tried to kiss her about the time I think the PA started she made it so awful and awkward it scarred me for life. The closest thing to contact we've had in months was her bumping my hand a couple times handing me something and standing close enough to bump arms showing me pictures on her phone. This is actually a huge step from where we were when I had cooties.

I'm struggling on the physical side. I never thought of her asking me to give her massages as recently as two weeks ago as temp checking but maybe that's all it was.

I still get occasional hugs and kisses (like a friendly neighbor), but only at her initiation. The last time I tried to initiate a kiss to her, she dodged me--cooties, ugh.

I don't want to date anyone in the forseeable future as I'm still committed to standing for my marriage and am in no way emotionally ready to engage with another woman, but I anticipate the lack of physical touch/affection will be yet another personal challenge of this whole situation. How do people handle this? Is it just a mental adjustment to accept that you aren't going to get any physical touch/affection for a while, maybe years...or the rest of your life?