This used to be way easier - and a lot more fun!

[DonH]

Looks like I'm way past due for an update again. Time just seems to fly by. For it seems like ever, I've always had a very busy start to the year with three separate events that I'm involved in. It's great for GAL but makes it hard to keep up with other things. The last of the three happened this weekend in a suburb of Chicago.

Feeling a bit down today after a bunch of punches in the gut - or at least that's sort of how it feels sometimes. I also saw the down-side of what I think I want again with other couples which always give me both a bit of clarity and some pause. Read on for details on what I'm talking about. Once again, this post is pretty long. I hope you'll take the time to read it all, but if nothing else, go to the ////// lines below to skip over the individual gut punch details.

So... the punches in the gut... Where do I start? My favorite woman to date lives about 10 hours away (by car) and I totally get that's not workable. Still, I'd love to date her more, but for the most part, she's not wanting to even try the long distance thing. Shot her a text as I was heading to Chicago as that's where we've often met as she comes for work every several months. The last time we talked as after Christmas, and it's normal for us to go several weeks or even a month. Again, it's not an ongoing R. Didn't hear back, which is not typical of her so I checked, which is when she said she's started seeing someone and didn't think it would be a good idea to date someone else - or me. Really hit me harder than I thought - at least for a little while. I totally know it would be super hard with the distance but even so, some other guy now will get what at least I think I want. Punch 1.

Number two was no real huge deal as someone I met over Thanksgiving showed up at the event this weekend with her mom and step-dad (seems odd saying that at this age). I partly wondered if it was because she knew I'd be there? Again, long distance this time about 4 or 5 hours by car. Saw her a bit on Friday but as I'm sort of working (band gig thing) was not able to spend a huge amount of time right away. No big deal I figured, as we would both be there for several days. Well, she never came back Friday night and near halfway through Saturday I sent her a text asking her where she was hiding. She went home! I'm like really? I get some "not a good prospect" vibes from her anyhow so no real huge deal but I'd certainly have liked to spend some time with her. Perhaps she will work on her issues - Half a punch on this one.

Punch 3 was couples, couples, couples EVERYWHERE! And many with new girlfriends. Again really? One guy had a super awesome wife. He's a great guy too. She was very pretty, fit, a long distance runner, very smart, very nice and died suddenly of a brain aneurysm that burst. That was 2, perhaps 3 years ago, but I really think 2. I've seen this guy multiple times since (again he does not live in my state) and so imagine the somewhat surprise when he arrives with a girlfriend. If I had to guess, she's way more into him than he is into her and she is nowhere near what his wife was, seemed at least 10 years younger too, but certainly seemed friendly and nice enough. Life goes on and in this case I'm very happy for him as were others. But... 2 years widowed and finds someone at least worthy of a weekend getaway as I went back to my hotel room with a big king size bed, of course, by myself. Gut Punch 3.

There were others as well, including our drummer, who had a really nice girlfriend last year but for whatever reason, that didn't work out. He brought his new GF of about two months. It seemed nearly everyone, but me... You get the point.

So I figured, I need to perhaps cast a wider net, not be as picky. Drummer's latest GF brought a friend, who seemed interested in me and flirty. Not really my type, quite a bit younger, but nice enough and I figured at least fun enough to hang out with as we checked out some of the room parties following the end of music. She was less interested after I showed some interest. Really, I'm now getting shot down by... Better not say it as I'll likely get flamed but wow, I can't even connect (and I don't me sexually) with someone that doesn't even... Again you get it.

I still had a very good time, played some great music, saw at least 50 people/friends that I only get to see a half dozen times a year. Got home Sunday, really tired, watched the Super Bowl while getting caught up on email, texts, Facebook, etc. (since that Packers were not in it, I only had half interest anyhow) Which is where I see yet another past women I dated and her new boyfriend. This is the one I talked about a while ago who's son started college this past year. I talked with her friend that set us up a few weeks ago and she said she's not heard from her at all lately either. Guess we know why. Gut punch, what is it now 5?

And that was just one weekend. Not sure if I posted about the woman I met in church and messaged? She got the message two years later, seemed flattered and suggested we meet. I thought, yeah, that's fine. We both decided it would be easier after Christmas as we were both busy with the holidays. I check in after Christmas for her to tell me she "met someone" at a Christmas party and didn't think we should meet after all. I call BS on "meeting someone" - I think it was just her excuse. She said we could still meet for a drink as friends - which is honestly all I was going to do anyhow, Still, it's not happened, and it's now February. Not sure if I'll try again or not.

Then there is the event I did two weeks ago. Again, saw perhaps a hundred people I know (it's a very big event of 5 days). Saw someone I've not seen for a long time. We've known each other for nearly 25 years, flirted but never dated. She always gives THE BEST hugs and I tell her that too. She was very excited to see me, gave me a GREAT hug and we caught up - including her getting married. Okay, so much for any thought there. Still great to see her though.

I also met someone who I would have put down a $1,000 bet that she was flirting with me. Very smart, great conversation, seemed fun. I would have asked her to go to dinner with the group of NINE I went with - four couples and me of course - but I could not find her anywhere. We come back after dinner to go to the evening dance. This is where I meet a guy that's now on the fire department I was on for near 25 years. My friends had told me about him at dinner and how his wife died of cancer a few years ago. I'm sure you already know what I'm about to say. Yep, he shows up with a girl that is TOTALLY my type - at least looks wise and I mean TOTALLY. They seemed to have zero chemistry. I could have thought they were brother and sister - honestly. She seemed to be interested in him but he's very shy and would not touch her - at least not in public. I'm never the kind of guy to hit on someone else's date, but c'mon. Plus, I thought there might be promise with the lady flirting with me. Not totally my type looks wise and I did wonder a little bit about her. I messaged several friends including Ginger, who asked me if it was a problem because "she looked her age?" Wow, Ginger is exactly what I need to help me see things more clearly and I really thank her for it. Not sure if that's what it was, but it helped me to decide I'm going to ask her out. So I call, we have a GREAT conversation although she was less flirty on the phone and it was mostly "business" about the event. My primary reason for wanting to ask her out without knowing her better is very often I won't see someone for another year until this event happens again. It's not like I thought I'd see her in a few weeks or something. So I asked her out, she was flattered and very nice about telling me she's already dating someone and doesn't want to date more than one person even though they are not in a full R. She also said she has a "dear friend" - not a boyfriend but a dear friend. Finally, she said we could still go to dinner and wants to do that. To be honest, I'm nearly positive that's because it's a girlfriend, and not a boyfriend. The signs were there all along, I just figured, again, I need to broaden who I consider. Perhaps that's a wider net that I should cast. LOL So in other words, that's what it's come to, I think lesbians and hitting on me and then ask them out!

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I will stop there as I'm sure many of you have stopped reading. For those still going, how in the hell can this not at least be partly me? It just has to be. It's as much them and life in general but I have to be doing things wrong. How is it I rarely get or want a second date? Hell, it's hard enough to get the first date! What is it about what I'm doing or about me? Is the fact that I'm not sure what I want myself showing through? I'm attempting to connect with a very wide range of women here - younger, older, tall, short, professional, blue collar, I mean I'm giving near everyone at least a shot. Even when they appear interested, they are gone as fast as they arrived - like the one who came this weekend and then left, the girl from church who seems excited to meet me, until I say yes, then doesn't want to. The lady who says she wants to go out again, but then ghosts me then gets a boyfriend. On-line was the same deal - actually worse. I've certainly met more women in person than online.

I've now been divorced for over 10 years and have not had what most would call a GF for about 3.5 years. On the other side of the coin, I also saw the down side of all of this. Couples arguing, wives bitching about their husbands drinking too much or staying out too late in room parties. One guy, who I never in a million years would think could get a GF (he's my age, never married, never lived with anyone, only had like 1 or 2 GF in his life) and here he is with a GF for over 6 months. Well... She's still MARRIED, with her husband dying of cancer, as she makes out with a keyboard player from one of the bands with this "BF" in the other room. Yeah, I want zero part of any of that so it explains what the real truth is.

All that said, down sides and all, there is just no way I cannot be playing some role in all of this. I have to be. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong so how can I change it? To make things worse, I think I'm ready to at least have an actual GF. But will I want it if and when it even happens? That really feels like a 50/50 proposition right now. Still, what I have [censored]. For the most part I just roll with all the punchs and keep going but it's very hard to do after getting punched in the gut time after time after time.