Yes, Gump. I know. It's still daggers in the heart. But I hope the dulling that you previously described will continue. I don't think you'll ever be pain-free. You'll have an aching scar, but hopefully the pain won't be so sharp. That's what I'm anticipating for myself.
Originally Posted By: maly
Originally Posted By: maly
They kinda think they have been our slaves,and we controlled them all thru the marriage ,now they want to be free and run wild,
In there heads we are the evil slave masters,and they want the chains off, That's why its all our fault how they are feeling,that's why they kinda hate us, And they want to be free and get this new better life,
Yup. This would be my H's perspective 100%. He just wants to break free.
Yes, Gump. I know. It's still daggers in the heart. But I hope the dulling that you previously described will continue. I don't think you'll ever be pain-free. You'll have an aching scar, but hopefully the pain won't be so sharp. That's what I'm anticipating for myself.
Originally Posted By: maly
Originally Posted By: maly
They kinda think they have been our slaves,and we controlled them all thru the marriage ,now they want to be free and run wild,
In there heads we are the evil slave masters,and they want the chains off, That's why its all our fault how they are feeling,that's why they kinda hate us, And they want to be free and get this new better life,
Yup. This would be my H's perspective 100%. He just wants to break free.
Trouble is they got it all wrong we are their best friends in the world,and most of them had good lifes and they cant see that,but when in this sitch they have to learn that the hard way,unless of course they find a better life,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Trouble is they got it all wrong we are their best friends in the world,and most of them had good lifes and they cant see that,but when in this sitch they have to learn that the hard way,unless of course they find a better life,
The sad thing is, they will never see that. Never. Most divorces are years in the making. Sure, some still want to be friends but they aren't in love with us, and that's the difference.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Trouble is they got it all wrong we are their best friends in the world,and most of them had good lifes and they cant see that,but when in this sitch they have to learn that the hard way,unless of course they find a better life,
The sad thing is, they will never see that. Never. Most divorces are years in the making. Sure, some still want to be friends but they aren't in love with us, and that's the difference.
I agree with Jeep here. They will never see it. The key point here is not to worry about if they do or don't, in my mind that is still letting them control your emotions. The thing I tell myself when faced with these thoughts is "not my problem any more". Whether they find a better life, are miserable, turn to drugs or alcohol to numb and forget, those are all choices that they make, none of which you are in control of, and quite honestly never where. Set boundaries for your own self healing, one big one is to get it out of your mind as to what life will bring them. That takes the focus off of yourself, do you, do it well, and spend that energy pondering how to make your life better from this point forward.
M 21 years XW 43yo, me 41 yo S13 BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient... End of June - I started the D process. D final 2/23/17 "He who forgets will be destined to remember" Eddie Vedder
Hey FG, keep in keepin on, okay? What have you been doing for yourself lately? How is your GAL? Do you have a friend you can go hang out with and have a b*tch-n-beer hour with?
Thanks Sara for the encouragement. I could probably do more. I've had some deadlines at work that ate into my GAL time (but to be honest, I love my work so finally finishing some things at work felt really great). But in general I've been pretty good at going to the gym to get a little work out in, and relax in the hot tub. I make an effort to go 3-4 times a week for short durations, as opposed to long workouts. I also have a couple of friends I talk to. I go on walks/hikes w/ them, meet up for lunches and, on occasion, go out for a beer. I'm also resuming IC starting week. I thought it'd be good to have that extra support as the D is officially taking place. So, I think I'm doing OK, but it's good to be reminded to get out of my own head more often.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Trouble is they got it all wrong we are their best friends in the world,and most of them had good lifes and they cant see that,but when in this sitch they have to learn that the hard way,unless of course they find a better life,
The sad thing is, they will never see that. Never. Most divorces are years in the making. Sure, some still want to be friends but they aren't in love with us, and that's the difference.
I agree with Jeep here. They will never see it. The key point here is not to worry about if they do or don't, in my mind that is still letting them control your emotions. The thing I tell myself when faced with these thoughts is "not my problem any more". Whether they find a better life, are miserable, turn to drugs or alcohol to numb and forget, those are all choices that they make, none of which you are in control of, and quite honestly never where. Set boundaries for your own self healing, one big one is to get it out of your mind as to what life will bring them. That takes the focus off of yourself, do you, do it well, and spend that energy pondering how to make your life better from this point forward.
I agree with you both on what you wrote,but I do believe some of them see the light and want to comeback then its a question off will the lbs have them back,also my wife was playing touch and go with me after the divorce and even after she left the home, The only reason she is still not playing it is cos I found out about the om and have not spoke to her since that day,and I'm sure she still loves me and misses me
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Unless she has said such, how do you know? There are different levels of love. Mine says she will always love me because I'm the father of the children, but it ends there. Different levels have different meanings.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Unless she has said such, how do you know? There are different levels of love. Mine says she will always love me because I'm the father of the children, but it ends there. Different levels have different meanings.
She was saying it right up until the day we split,and I feel it in my gut, We was together for over 35 years and there was a strong bond,but I could be wrong,only problem is if she did want me back in her life the damage she has done,not sure if I could handle it,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
