Finances was a struggle that we fought about a lot.. I managed the finances and we had a good bit of debts due to the adoptions and other things and I didn't see it then but I definitely see how I acted now which was wrong, but whenever there was something that she wanted to do, as a hobby or something she was interested in, for example any of the number of pampered chefs, or clothing, or oil things that are out there.. I would always see them as pyramid schemes and hate that she would be involved in them as I felt she was being taken advantage of and essentially wasting money.. I did not even think that this was something she enjoyed doing or wanted to do.. and I became a control freak over money due to that, and in a way did not allow her to do something she wanted to do.. Whenever she wanted to spend money on things like that, even though I wanted her to enjoy stuff, it always seemed to fall at the wrong time or I'd get mad about it.. However, whenever I came across something, anything that I wanted... I would always find the way to make funds appear.. WHICH WAS WRONG! and I see that now.. Why I didn't before I don't know.. These are all things I'm working on fixing about myself.. the financial control, the empatheticness towards others that I struggled with due to how I acted in the military, the egotistical mindset that I developed due to the military and having so many schools under my belt and where everything seemed to always work and I never really failed in the military.. Since I have pulled myself back from all that I am much calmer and much more relaxed. Especially with our children and I love it! That is one of the best changes I could have ever done and want to continue. And I know these changes in a way I want for her.. but they need to be for me..
So back to what happened.. things changed in the middle of my training.. her complete tone changed and the hatred all the sudden came out in full force, I was in a way "Blindsided" by the change and had no idea what was going on.. she did not want to talk to me but would let me talk to the kids the rest of the time there.. without going into great detail of the rest, it continued through graduation and returning home through the holidays. During my time home was when my family and friends began to approach me with things they were seeing that went on while I was gone with my W and OM, more and more people came to me with concerns that added to what I already knew and was suspecting before I left for training that I started to see.. I did not want to believe any of it but everything was coenciding way too much with her change and want for separation.
I've said it from the start of this.. that had the reasons that we were here come out before I left or before there was any image of an OM, I would be more ok with dealing with this.. or how she felt. I would still for sure want to fix things and still want us to work through our issues to where we could still be together and continue our Relationship.. but the part of the OM adds another layer of complexity to everything..
