Another deployment came along which took me away again during this time. We had decided then that we still wanted children and looked for alternative means and came upon Adoption. Everything seemed to be falling into place now and meant to be. We were so occupied with the adoption process that we didnt have a lot of time to argue or fight or spend on each other.. We still had fun and went out together though. I continued to move forward with my military career and civilian career and everything seemed great with advancements and job changes for the both of us.
It took 4 years to finalize both of our childrens adoptions which took up a lot of our time as a couple and kept us busy. Now that everything was in place and where we wanted it to be so I thought.. I decided that the military was beginning to draw too much on me, but I continued to look to the future with the retirement and an alternative means of income and secondary job if anything ever happened with my primary. By doing that I was looking to the future but in turn removing myself from the present. We had a rather large fight/discussion about my decision to change career paths in the military mainly on the fact of it came down to I was to deploy again... I knew I would be gone for a year so why not take that year to better myself restore my want to be in the military by finally chasing a dream.. and that is what it was.. It was a dream.. It was a choice I made without much thought about my family and my W, and what it would mean or do to them. All I thought was, we could treat this as a deployment but better as I could come and go when I could and they could come and go when they could to see me also. They could have moved for the training, but I knew with her job and our children in school it would be dumb to uproot for a year just to come right back and hard enough on them already. I still made that choice to leave.. not being forced this time by the military.. I feel that is the one major blow that started the boulder tumbling..
After the discussion she had put on the supportive W face which I was blind to see that it was not a true supportive W. Everything seemed to be good though, we went on vacations, had fun, our communication began to build up i felt and we were laughing and joking and flirting through texts which we had not done in a long time right before I was to leave for the first part of training a few months back even the first couple weeks of training everything seemed ok. We were sending love yous back and forth and miss yous. When we were able to talk it was a little broken down, and I know I did not do the best at communicating correctly as before when I went on deployments she would be stuck with a lot to do. I tried my hardest to ensure that everything was taken care of before I left this time so she wouldn't have to worry.. The way I asked questions about the home and finances did not come across the best though I guess.. it was not intended that way but I failed.
it was not intended that way but I failed.
