The Never Ending Rabbit Hole

[Dawgs]

I thinking I feeling 75% better with the recognition of my failures and 25% depressed. That 25% is getting less because I realize that the Distancer situation contributed to my response and exacerbated my shiddy personality traits.

The thing is that you have recognized them and are actively changing your own self for you, not for the recognition of your H. I can't remember the poster on here who talked of changing in hopes their wife would recognize, but that's one of the ones who would end up bitter and angry...because they made changes for the wrong reason.

What we're basically saying here is just to give up once we recognize the permenance of our spouse's problems.

I get what you are saying. In reality, what can we do when there is nothing we can do? It's really down to two things: either spin our own wheels trying to do whatever in order to keep them, which in turn causes nothing but pain; or, we do the tougher thing an give up - which is sometimes the best option. I'm never one to give up on anything in life, but I'll once again use my ex as an example. I've done all I can. Now that things (the abuse and how she handles things) have come to light, I know how to respond and act but its too late for that now. She burned that bridge and doesn't care to even try anymore. When she runs, she runs for good.