The Never Ending Rabbit Hole

[Dawgs]

Hey 10! Thanks for stopping by!

I think what many say on this site and others about the "non-broken" ones who just want out, there is a reason. And the reason is a shiddy relationship that we contribute to and that's apparently fixable if we can get them to stay and listen

Very well said. It often takes years for them to reach the point of wanting to leave. Much to often said on here is the "I'm not in love with you anymore" line. There is a fine line between reality and perception, and one that's not so easily seen at times. Sometimes its obvious, that we have stopped doing all the things we did before; and sometimes its not so obvious and in their minds. Some just fall out of love and live as friends. But whatever the reason, when the love dies it more often than not doesn't return. Can it? Sure. But that person has to be willing, and by that point they no longer are.

I think MLC would fall into the broken category, though. And the permanent issues of past abuse, psychological/emotional/neurological issues are also in that category. So maybe it's not an issue of temporary or permanent but broken and not broken.

Good points. Broken is usually un-repairable, though, especially if the person doesn't see it that way. Does a MLC fit into that category? I'm not so sure. Others will know more, though.

Again many sites advocate for us to stop seeing our partners as the faulty ones and look at our own culpabilities.

True. But also looking at our own failings can lead us down two paths: change for the better within our own selves; or, down the rabbit hole of depression/what ifs.

The issue is when we do this and the other person is really in fact seriously damaged, then what do we do?

Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do. We can make our changes within ourselves, but it won't bring that other person back. Their damage leads them to believe things that aren't true. I'm not the same as I was before and have worked on correcting myself. I never pointed them out to her but have demonstrated a different self/attitude/etc, yet none of it matters. WHen they are done, they are done.

The crutch may be believing that they'll change if we change.

Bingo. This is a trap that many, many fall into. And when things don't pan out the way we wish, it only leads to anger and bitterness. That's why I try to say change for yourself and not others.