Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[Gordie]

HaWho--"Your worth is not synched to your marriage. It takes two to marry and only one (crazy) person to uncouple. You can't control her."...thank you for reminding me of this. You are right, the M will not work right now. I just having a hard time accepting that this is actually happening!

Kyh--"Keep your focus and you and your kids, they will really need you while your W is out in MLC land"...yes, I really have to shift my attention away from my W. And yes, I already have an attorney. I've had him on retainer but haven't really engaged him yet as I wasn't sure my W was going to pull the trigger.

ForGump--"I hope your faith gives you strength"...yes, it does, even when my prayers aren't answered in the way/time I want them to be, I know God is there and will continue to look out for me. Your W had you served last week...my W will likely serve me this week or next...need to order another round!

Job--"Just because she's gone to a lawyer, that doesn't mean it's the end of your story. Anything can happen along the way. She could drag the divorce out for a long period of time. For instance, My xh filed and then proceeded to drag it out for two years and when I stopped the bantering back and forth between the lawyers, he then pressed forward." Two years, really?

One of the questions I have is that we're still under the same roof and in the same bed, do I switch tactics now, or just keep doing what I've been doing? W's L estimates from filing to finalization, that this should take a month. So at least one more month before I move out.

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Journaling:

So last night after our D discussion, W acts like everything is normal and is unusually chatty with me about non-D stuff. I engaged like a friendly neighbor, but was feeling a shallow sadness, accepting and not denying my reality. I didn't sleep well, tossed and turned all night, kept praying for God's help, and woke up tired. I was happy it was a Monday so I could leave the house for work. W gives me a kiss goodbye and then texts me something about the kids while I'm on my way to work.