Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

A couple of things here, it is her responsibility to end the affair. You can support her as she's going through withdrawals, but ultimately it is up to her. You could take her phone and whatever else she uses, but it would not prevent her from contacting OM if she wanted. She has put forth absolutely no effert. Telling you that you have to help her, and as soon as you get out the door she is talking to OM? She is not being genuine with you. She will continue to play you as long as it works for her.

Yes, I agree, but she was making no effort. As you may have seen from today's post, I saw red last night, and have contacted OM. This has pushed W away and into rage, as she feels she has lost OM and that I am now the bad guy. He may return. he may not. I don't know. Have I made things worse? Potentially. Definitely for the short term.

I wasn't really refering to "separates" as in breaking apart the family. I understand what you are saying here, and maybe you understood what I was talking about as the dynamics in the relationship with the LBH and WW. I hope so. In reading thread after thread from LBH's, I can see a pattern of these dynamics.

Yes, I got what you were saying - I think my point is that from W's perspective, they get to keep the kids whatever happens, and probably the home. So they can generally force the issue if they won't put up with the disrespect of a PA or EA.
As a LBH, that is not so easy. I know, it's about detachment, but doing and knowing are very different things. As you say, my W is much better at playing the game than I am. I wanted to be able to distance myself, to treat her to tougher love, but it went so much against me that I couldn't do it effectively, and ended up blowing hot and cold, kept failing to protect myself. So I have now done what perhaps I should not. I think that me, along with many me, sometimes force themselves to do something rather than what feels like nothing, to break the status quo, even if it ends up being negative. Self reflection after the fact... a bit too late.