Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[HaWho]

It absolutely does not make you a failure. Your worth is not synched to your marriage. It takes two to marry and only one (crazy) person to uncouple. You can't control her.

And, even those who do reconcile after MLC acknowledge that it is up to the MLCer to work through those issues. It's not as though that LBS did everything "right" and is therefore a "success." And, conversely, those whose marriages are not restored are not failures. No one can fix those issues for the MLCer, he/she has to do it and then wake up enough to want to try to work on the m, if the LBS is even still around.

I am sorry she wants this though. But it's about her and her issues.

As for what I meant for be "vanilla," I meant try not to be reactive. She will say all sorts of crazy things (as you have seen). Try not to engage, reason with her, react with body language, etc. Try to listen and validate if there is something to validate. Otherwise, try to stay out of her space.

As for not watching, personally, for the longest time, I had to leave the house to keep from rubber necking.

As you can see, your w, currently is a broken version of herself. The reason your m will not work right now is she emotionally has regressed. She will seek out band-aids to make her feel better (younger clothes, running around, spending, vitamins, diets, OM, etc.).

From my understanding, it is the child within MLC who has the affair. (And they have to affair down as the pickings are slim when one is so broken.) They choose a partner who is on their emotional level. I believe, usually, the child (on a subconscious level) picks someone whom they can work through their various issues.

You are the prize. Hold your head up high, square your shoulders and take care of you. She has to figure things out for herself.